HEY PARENTS, TEACHERS, COACHES:  Think Before You Speak to Kids

This blog is directed at all of those parents, teachers, and coaches out there that think they are helping out young distance runners (especially females) with comments that are actually detrimental to their running and their physical health and most importantly their mental health.  

I have thought about writing this blog for years now and just never did.  However, yesterday was the final straw for me. We had our first indoor meet of the high school season and I had two runners, one male and one female, achieve first place finishes in the 2 mile run.  My sophomore male runner ran 9:19 and my freshman female runner ran 11:28. Running these fast times this early in a season makes me excited because I know how I coach and how I believe in progression of the distance runner, not only over the course of a season, but also over the course of the runner’s career.  Of course, there are always insecure haters out there that will find some way to turn these fast times into a negative. Yesterday I was asked by opposing coaches and also parents of other runners if I thought my runners would get any better this year and thereafter. Many of them said of the freshman female, “Enjoy it now coach while she is tiny and has nothing to carry.  Just wait until her body changes and when she becomes a woman and gets hips and all that.” Then others said of my sophomore male, “Well, he is old for his grade so no wonder he is running so fast. He won’t get hardly any faster because he is already the age of some seniors.” This is when I decided it is time to write this blog because I am fed up with the same comments I hear every year, especially about females. 

First of all, I must explain that I have been coaching young distance runners since 1997, so going on about 23 years now.  I have coached 12 different individual outdoor state champions in Indiana in that span of time (along with many more indoor state champions).  We are the last state with a one class system so to be a state champion in Indiana is the real deal. Out of those 12 state champions, 7 of them are females.  Out of those 7 females, 6 of them were seniors when they won these state titles. Out of the 5 males, 4 of them were also seniors. None of the state champions was an underclassmen.   As a matter of fact, I have never had a freshman male or female be anywhere near a state title. And hardly any sophomores have sniffed a state title either. I always want to set them up for their greatest success when they are juniors and seniors and beyond if they run in college.   So my response to people that say things about my underclassmen that run fast and are skeptical that they will get any faster, I always say, “Check my resume and check the progression of all of my runners.”

I have NEVER initiated a conversation with any athlete ever about them losing weight.  Rarely have any of them ever brought the subject up to me because I make it known that I am not concerned about their body maturing and about them “becoming women.”  I have actually found that as they get bigger and stronger, they are able to handle more mileage and more vigorous training without breaking down or getting hurt. Ironically, if I have a conversation about weight, and again especially females, it is about gaining weight and gaining muscle and making sure they are eating well.  Also with females, I want to know if their menstrual cycles are regular. If they are skipping periods for more than a month at a time, this is a sign of poor nutrition and could in fact lead to anemia or injuries. Therefore, I preach good nutrition and not skipping meals. Have we all not learned anything from Mary Cain and the various other Nike runners and their experiences with their former coach, Alberto Salazar?  These young ladies have all been scarred for life by insensitive comments.  

We as coaches can manipulate their training in such a way that they will have no choice but to get faster every year.  We are doing them a disservice if we start them at a high level of training when they are freshman and then they do not progress any further.  If you continue to run the same amount of mileage every single year, you will likely get angry athletes that are not improving. These kids will mentally get drained and frustrated and want to quit the sport.  Then their coach will say, “Oh they just ran so much over four years that they are physically burnout and need a break.” Wrong. You, as the coach, have caused the problem by setting them up for failure because you have not given them the progression needed to improve from year to year.  They may be mentally burnt out but it is not physical.  

Sometimes it is the runner’s own parent that makes the comment to them if they are having a bad season.  “Well, honey…you know your body just isn’t the same as it was when you were a freshman. You are carrying a much bigger load now so it makes sense why you are getting slower.”  NOOOOO!!!!! Please parents, do not make these insensitive comments that you ironically think are sensitive comments. First of all, you are basically telling them they are going to get slower no matter how hard they train.  Second of all, you may be triggering them into an eating disorder and poor body image issues.    

The best female runner I have ever coached, Alissa McKaig (now Alissa Doehla), was 135 pounds at the state cross country meet her senior year when she won.  As a sophomore, she was 110 pounds and placed 14th, far away from the champion. Alissa asked me during her senior season, “Coach, am I too big of a runner to win a state title?”  I immediately answered with a resounding, “NO!” I then explained to her that her strength as a runner came from her physical strength and durability. Alissa could run 12 miles in 6:00 mile pace as a senior and recover quickly 2-3 days later for a hard interval session.  She could not have done that when she was a little 110 pound new runner. Alissa’s dream was a state title. She believed in the plan of progressing her mileage each year. She ran 30-35 miles per week as an underclassmen. She increased that training to 40-45 miles per week as a junior and became a contender.  Many thought she would not get any better after that junior year. But she knew and I knew we had something special planned and that was hitting her highest mileage that he wanted in her senior year. Her times dropped again and she won the cross country state title and the track state title on 50 miles per week and at the highest weight she had ever been.  Lucky for me, Alissa trusted me and just as importantly, her parents trusted me and also showed their belief in Alissa and never made comments to her about weight or her “new body” as she progressed each year.

Let’s also talk about running age.  With my “old” sophomore male runner, he did not run until his 8th grade year.  Even then, he only ran about 10 miles per week. Therefore, when he came into my program as a freshman, I started him off in the summer where he left off, at 10 miles for the first week, and then we upped that mileage a few miles per week until  he was able to run 30-35 miles per week comfortably, and then we kept him there for most of the season. If I had asked him to run 40 to 50 miles per week right away, I think we would have been injured and also wondering if he could even handle this sport.  He had a fantastic freshman cross country season and finished in the top 30 runners in all of Indiana. Could he have had even more success had he done 40 to 50 mile weeks? Perhaps. But I believe the chances of injury were much higher and also I point back to our job as coaches…to set the runner up for success each and every year.  I have a plan for this young man to do more and more miles each year and to have a chance to win state titles when he is an upperclassmen rather than be greedy and try to rush him to a state title at a younger age and sacrifice the proper progression. In his freshman track season, I had advanced his training to 40 miles per week. He did not even make the state meet in track.  Was that frustrating? Of course it was but he knew the big picture plan. He put together a great summer of training at 40-45 miles per week. He ran 50 miles per week through this past cross country season and was the 7th place state finisher as a sophomore, setting him up perfectly to be a challenger to win a state title in the next year and after. He did not run any Sundays all season.  Now, he is beginning to run 7 days a week every other week as he continues to progress and his running age also obviously progresses. He already has run 9:11 for two miles indoors after never breaking 9:30 last year. 9:30 is a great freshman time. 9:11 is a sensational sophomore time. Now the haters are saying he will not get any faster than 9:11. I say to them again, “Check my resume.” My runners peak at the state meet and my runners get faster every single year.  Fact. Ideally, he will run 7 days a week consistently in his junior/senior seasons. In turn, he will get faster as long as there is no injury. Even though he will be running more mileage and this will lead some to believe that this is how he will “burn out,” it is actually the opposite effect because we have trained him properly to get to that point and most importantly, he will be running faster times than he ever has. When a runner keeps getting faster, there is zero “burnout” effect.  If you cannot tell by now, I believe burnout is essentially a myth, or an excuse for the coach and athlete. But most likely they did not use progression in their training, which led to frustration and mental fatigue.

On the other hand, if I get an 8th grader who ran 30 miles per week for 3 years of middle school, that running age is much greater so I can start that runner more aggressively at 35 to 40 miles per week.  But again, the important thing is progression and to have an endgame for the senior year of the runner. If it is a freshman boy that ran those 30 miles per week in middle school, I will probably have an endgame of 60 miles per week as a senior.   They would run a little more each year and also the workouts go from maybe 3xmile repeats as a freshman to 6xmile repeats as a senior. Also, the rest between intervals would change because the runner is stronger. The runner could maybe handle 90 second rest between mile repeats as a senior but this same person would have needed 3 minute rest as a freshman.  Again, what are we talking about with all of this? PROGRESSION IN EVERY ASPECT. From weekly mileage to workout volume to recovery time between reps to days per week. Most of my freshmen girls run 5 days a week and cross train on a 6th day. Then they advance to 6 days a week of running as sophomores. Ideally, they can handle 7 days of running per week when they are juniors or no later than seniors.   The freshman female I have right now is typically 25 to 28 miles per week in 5 days and is still running times like 11:28 for 2 miles and 5:19 for the mile. Could she maybe already have run 10:45 and 4:59 with 40 miles per week? Quite possibly. BUT I would guess she would get injured. And if she would stay healthy and run those times, where do you go from there? I want them to improve EVERY SINGLE SEASON to help their mental health and help them continue to enjoy the sport.  When a sport gets stale and stagnant, that is dangerous for the child. This is when they tend to give up and either stop putting in the work or they will just quit altogether.  

I implore all of you that are reading this to think twice before saying things to young athletes like the examples I gave above.  Please admonish anyone that you hear saying these things as well. We can help kids stay in this great sport of distance running but more importantly we can help them be healthy and happy people with strong mental health.  They can then pass that on to their children of their own or to future runners they may work with down the road. We hold the key as coaches to progress them appropriately. Take this seriously. Do not make excuses for them or for yourselves.  Educate yourselves and think before you speak because as you all have said or heard, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” That old saying has never fit better than with this subject matter.  

                As I was watching the Orange Bowl the other night, suddenly they announced their halftime act as singer songwriter Gavin DeGraw.   DeGraw sounded amazing and showed that his vocal chops are as good as ever and it was refreshing to see someone actually singing and not lip syncing.  I thought to myself, “I wonder what twitter is saying about his performance.”  It was one tweet after another ridiculing the Orange Bowl committee for having a “has been” like DeGraw perform.  Comments like “What?  Ryan Cabrera was not available?” Or “Why Gavin DeGraw?”  went on and on.  Many of the people commenting thought that he had one hit song, “I Don’t Want to be,” from the WB show One Tree Hill in 2004 and was never heard from again.  I started thinking about some of his hits and how he has managed to stay relevant over a long period of time.  Then I began to wonder what other male singer songwriter from the pop/AC world from the first decade of this century is still around.   I started digging through charts and soon found that there are hardly any male singer songwriters left from the early to mid 2000’s besides DeGraw that are still getting on the charts.

“I Don’t Want to be” not only went number one in 2004 but it also is ranked as a top 30 all time song of the 2000-2009 decade.  “Chariot” was the other single from his first album that also went nearly to #1 in 2005 and is listed by some as a top 100 all time song from that decade.  “Follow Through” became a third single from the album to do well, charting in the top 20.  The “Chariot” album, written entirely by DeGraw alone, went top 10.    He then re-released “Chariot” in stripped form and this truly showcased his powerhouse live vocals that need no help from autotune.  This is where people get confused and think he disappeared after “I Don’t Want to be.”  Far from it.  Here is a synopsis of his career after the first album:

2006:    “We Belong Together,” a song he wrote for the film Tristan and Isolde,  was top 20 on the charts.

2008:    “In Love with a Girl,” from his second record, went top 5 on the charts.  The second single, “Cheated on me,” went top 25.   The album, written entirely by DeGraw, went #8 on the album charts.

 2009:    He wrote an indie record, “Free,” that was stripped down and not backed by his label or radio but showed his eagerness to not just be known as a pop singer. It still went top 20 on the album charts.

2012:      He came back stronger than ever in the second decade as he co-wrote with Ryan Tedder the single “Not Over You,” which exploded on the scene and went to number one, eight 8 years after “I Don’t Want to be.”  “Not over you” was also chosen as a top 30 all time song of this past decade.  What other solo male artist has two number ones in those two different decades?   Not John Mayer, not Bruno Mars, not Justin Bieber, not Ed Sheeran.  Of course, there are those who say, “Well, what has he done since “Not over you” the last 9 years?  Well, he had two more top 20 singles after “Not over you” from that album, “Soldier,” and another with Tedder entitled “Sweeter.”  That “Sweeter” album became yet another top 10 album on the charts.   He also was on “Dancing with the Stars” in 2012.

2013-14:   he wrote a song with Colbie Caillat, “We Both Know,” for the “Save Haven” movie soundtrack.  It was so well received that it received a Grammy nomination.  He then had a hit on his next record with a completely different style as he worked with Martin Johnson on “Best I Ever Had,” which went to the top ten in 2013.   He followed that up with “Make a Move,” yet another top 20 song, in 2014.   The “Make a Move” album went #13 on the charts. 

Later in 2014:   The Gavin DeGraw Greatest Hits album was released and included two new songs, one entitled “You Got Me” that was written by the great songwriter, Dianne Warren for the movie “Dolphin Tales.”  The other was called “Fire” that he co-wrote and this single was released to radio, reaching #29 on the charts.  Obviously, to have a greatest hits record, you must have at least 10 hits over a long duration in the business.    At the time, he had 13 hits and still going strong. 

2015:   DeGraw worked with both Avicii and with Armin Van Buuren, further proving his range in all genres of music.  He wrote “Sunset Jesus” with Avicii and recently performed it live at a benefit concert for the late Avicii.  This song did very well in Sweden on the charts.   Van Buuren and DeGraw teamed up to write a haunting ballad, “Looking for your name,” for Van Buuren’s album. 

2016:   DeGraw’s most recent record, “Something Worth Saving,” came out in 2016 and had two radio songs that did well.  DeGraw co-wrote “She Sets the City on Fire” and it went top ten in 2016 and then “Making Love with the Radio on” went top 20 in 2017.  This album, his 7^th one of original material, made it 7 in a row to all make it into the top 10 to top 20 on the album charts.  

2017:  DeGraw wrote “Brother” with Needtobreathe.  They asked DeGraw to collaborate on this song they had already put out but it did not do well on the charts without DeGraw.  After DeGraw wrote the bridge to “Brother,” and added his vocals to the song, it went top 10 on HOT AC and also went to #1 on the Christian music charts, becoming Needtobreathe’s most successful song of their illustrious career.

2019:   he wrote and sang a duet called “Chapters” with Brett Young on Young’s smash album also entitled “Chapters.”  This song will be released to radio in 2020 and is expected to be a hit for both artists on several charts.  This could very well be yet another #1 song for DeGraw in yet another decade.

If he is able to get a third #1 in a third different decade, he will really separate himself from the rest that came up in the first decade of this century.

Only Ed Sheeran, Justin Bieber, Justin Timberlake and Bruno Mars have more top 40 songs in the last decade among the male singer songwriters.   And again, DeGraw has done it over 17 years. Only Timberlake has been around for more than just the last decade.  It is yet to be seen what will become of the others for their second decade.   Timberlake has had numerous #1 hits but has not written many of his hits, and often co writes with numerous people.   DeGraw has not had one album yet without a hit.  In his 17 years in the business, he has had 17 songs reach the top 25 on the charts, an average of one hit per year.  This shows incredible consistency in an ever changing radio industry.

 His next album is set to come out in early 2020 and it is said to be more of a Tom Petty/Bob Seger type record, more Americana sounding.  He will again write all of the songs all by himself.   DeGraw seems tired of the pop world at this stage of his career and is ready to move forward in a different direction. 

DeGraw also does many more important things that people should care about, such as Musicians on Call, where he goes and sings to kids with cancer at hospitals.  He was named the Musicians on Call Leadership Artist of the Year in 2018 as a way to say thanks to him for all that he does for those kids.  Cancer hits close to home for him as he lost his mother to pancreatic cancer two years ago.  She was his biggest fan.  DeGraw further shows his true character by taking his dad on the road with him.

It is interesting to see how respected he is, if not by some of the twitter world, but by his peers.  He was chosen to sing “Against All Odds” for Phil Collins’ hall of fame induction ceremony. 

He was chosen to sing “Nothing Can Change This Love” for Sam Cooke’s induction.  Cooke’s grandchildren came running to Degraw afterward to tell them he was better than anyone they had ever seen or heard since Sam.   Amazingly, the late great Solomon Burke called DeGraw to speak to him at his soundcheck with Sam’s brother LC.  Burke, “The Godfather of R&B,” thanked DeGraw for studying and learning to sing their music correctly and for keeping their style of music alive, while LC nodded in agreement.   Burke and DeGraw then set plans to record together but unfortunately Burke passed away in 2010 before they could make that special musical moment happen. 

There is no greater sign of respect than having Billy Joel handpick you to open up for him over several years from 2014 until present.  DeGraw was also picked by Billy to sing a song of his at his honorary nights the last few years, including the Gerschwin Awards.  DeGraw was also selected by another legend, Shania Twain, in 2015 to open up for her on her comeback tour. 

And then there are new acts such as Brett Young and Chris Young in the country world who have embraced DeGraw and asked to collaborate with him.  Look no further than just last month when DeGraw and Chris Young did “Crossroads” on CMT and DeGraw put on an incredible vocal display, diving into Young’s songs along with his own material.  Their cover of Paul McCartney’s “Maybe I’m Amazed” brought the house down.   In early 2020, he is one of the select few artists chosen to honor Aerosmith at the MusiCares Person of the Year gala. 

So let’s get this straight…he can sing Motown (Sam Cooke, Marvin Gaye, Smokey Robinson), he can sing with the legends like Billy Joel, he can cross over to the country world and sing their songs or collaborate with them (see Kenny Chesney, Chris Young, Brett Young, Martina McBride, Luke Bryan), he can sing with Avicii, he can collaborate with pop stars like Ed Sheeran, Harry Styles and Ryan Tedder, he can cross over to the Christian music market with Needtobreathe, and he can do a Chris Whitley cover.  He was also chosen to sing Freddy Mercury on a Mercury tribute.  Is there any man with this kind of voice and with this kind of range besides him out there today?  I do not believe so.   There is a short list of men I would say that have powerhouse live soulful vocals:  Chris Stapleton, John Legend, and Bear Rinehart to name a few, but DeGraw tops them all with range that is second to none. 

He has also branched out in the last year with a podcast with Brooks Laich entitled “How Men Think.”  The “I haven’t heard from DeGraw since 2004” statements are ridiculously ignorant and not factual.    While bands like Lifehouse and The Fray and The Script and solo artists like Jason Mraz and Daughtry have fallen off since their success in the first decade of 2000, DeGraw has persevered and found ways to stay relevant even though the true singer songwriter category is becoming excluded from pop radio.  Even John Mayer has disappeared from the charts in the last several years.  Now it is almost all rap and almost all songs written by numerous different people.  DeGraw remains true to himself and continues to write his own songs and they continue to chart well for him.   He has also continued to tour relentlessly every year of those 17 years while others have had to shut it down.

It seems DeGraw was born into the wrong generation.  He was meant to sing in the earlier decades with the legitimate legendary singers of our past.  Instead, he is in a world of lip syncers and non- talented people that do not even write their own material or play their own music.  I do believe his best days are still ahead of him as he carves his way into a different niche of the music world.    I would argue that when it comes to live vocals and pure songwriting and consistency, he has been the best over the two decades in the male singer songwriter category.   It would be hard for anyone to argue that he is not at least in the top five over that time solely based upon his resume and results.  The stats don’t lie.   And he is just getting started.

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